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Arsenal Mad Libs 4.0

It’s not quite an annual rite, but the transfer window provides no shortage of material. So, forthwith, another (short, there’s only so many ways you can write this kind of hollow filler) installment of football transfer Mad Libs for everyone’s use on social media. Cut and paste to your heart’s delight.

[Insert Player Name] has told his agent that he only wants [Insert Team Name]. Team and agent have yet to have conversations, but a deal could be struck before the deadline.

Siren Emoji Siren Emoji Meetings have taken place in [Insert City Name] between [Insert Player Name]’s team and [Insert Team Name]. Personal terms are close. No team-to-team discussions have taken place as of yet. Siren Emoji Siren Emoji 

[Insert Team Name] have gathered all relevant information on [Insert Player Name]. It is possible, though not yet certain, that [Insert Team Name] might consider making an initial offer, but that scenario is still one of many under discussion.

[Insert Player Name] has a deal in principle with Arsenal but Madrid have decided that they deserve the player and intend to make a move.

Arsenal are interested in [Insert Player 1 Name], [Insert Player 2 Name], and  [Insert Player 3 Name], with  [Insert Player 4 Name] as a last-ditch contingency. However, If  [Insert Player 1 Name] and [Insert Player 2 Name] are beyond the team’s budget and [Insert Team  Name] won’t sell  [Insert Player 3 Name] then they do have a solid plan to pivot to [Insert Player 4 Name].

Have at it. 

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Arsenal Mad Libs 3.0

A LONG overdue update. The last time we did this we were just emerging from the Arsenal Dark Times. Transfer windows look different now, with CL money and very small holes to fill (if even holes – it’s more like foundations on which to build). Previously we supplied everyone with a set of “fill in the blank” tweet-sized missives, and then a second version in 2022, to be used throughout silly season. Those are all still useful (if feeling a bit dated and cynical), but we thought we ought to update and supplement the prior set. So, once again please find below a series of (free!) boilerplate texts, all under the Twitter 280 character limit, for your use in distributing hot information gleaned during the summer transfer window. 

With a second year of Champions League on offer, [Insert Player Name] has said he is interested in joining Arsenal – the team whose shirt he wore as a child.

If Arsenal cannot get [Insert Amount of Money] for [Insert Player Name] they will consider holding the player or even loaning him to [Insert Team Name].

While [Insert Player Name] played scant minutes last season and the potential for increased first team time in 24-25 looks far-fetched (even impossible), Arsenal hope to see multiple high-value (even team-record) offers on the table from clubs abroad, even if they have very little money.

Arsenal are interested in [Insert Player Name] though they fear any offer will bring a late bid from Chelsea at 5-6x whatever Arsenal are willing to pay.

[Insert Player Name] may garner interest from the Saudi league, but is weighing a comfy life in London against the appeal of a country with a non-extradition policy.

And these carry over, since they are always timely, relevant:

Arsenal is preparing to prepare a bid for [Insert Player Name], but first need to prepare for such preparations.

[Insert Player Name] will be staying at the club. [Insert Player Name] will be leaving the club. (Nah, just kidding. [Insert Player Name]‘s staying. Whether you like it or not).

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Arsenal Mad Libs 2.0

Time for an update! Previously we supplied everyone with a set of “fill in the blank” tweet-sized missives, to be used throughout silly season. Those are still useful, but we thought we ought to update and supplement the prior set. So, once again please find below a series of boilerplate texts, all under the Twitter 280 character limit, for your use in distributing hot information gleaned during the summer transfer window.

While Arsenal don’t have Champions League on offer, [Insert Player Name] has told his agents he’s willing to play in the lesser competition if terms can be agreed upon.

A player who previously piqued the team’s curiosity, [Insert Player Name]’s price has been slashed to [Insert Price, in Pounds Sterling]. Even so, the club hasn’t expressed interest, saying the player’s talents don’t quite fit needs.

Arsenal is preparing to prepare a bid for [Insert Player Name], but first need to prepare for such preparations.

Manager Mikel Arteta sees [Insert Player Name] as another key piece in year 3 of his 11 year project and is doing his best to convince him to join.

If [Insert Player Name] can prove their fitness, Arsenal may be willing to make an offer to [Insert Team Name] in the range of [Insert Price, in Pounds Sterling].

Regardless of [Insert Player Name]’s fitness, Arsenal is planning to make an offer to [Insert Team Name] in the range of [Insert Price, in Pounds Sterling].

[Insert Player Name] will be staying at the club.

[Insert Player Name] will be leaving the club. (Nah, just kidding. [Insert Player Name]’s staying. Whether you like it or not).

 

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Quotable

Some remarkable quotes have come out of the mouth of our manager lately. We thought it valuable to gather some of them in one place. So here, for your reading pleasure, are some of the best.

“One can look at the opponent scoring as a negative, but one can also be positive and say ‘we have regained possession'”

“As a child my father said to me ‘when you play, you must always play not to lose, as losing is the territory of the loser’.”

“For me the one who possesses a winning mentality isn’t necessarily the one who wins in the end  but the one who wants to win the most.”

“My first target is not to win, it is to develop young players with our work.”

“Two hours before the return leg I knew we were going to lose, I did not feel the players were ready.”

“You must play half the game with desperation, half with caution, and the last half with creativity.”

“I respect a lot the players: their hair and their hair color.”

“When I rest from football I paint, it is my hobby. And I often look afterwards and say ‘this is not what it looks like’. But I paint anyways, even if it is supposed to be a horse but in the end looks like a pigeon.”

(Please note that quotes 1, 2, 6 and 8 are fabrications. The rest are – yes – real.)

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Arsenal Mad Libs

In the interest of accuracy and succinctness please find below a series of boilerplate texts, all under the Twitter 280 character limit, for your use in distributing hot information gleaned in the run-up to and during the summer transfer window.*

This is open source, no credits required.

[Insert Player Name] would have been a fine transfer if we’d sold him last summer. If [Insert Team Name] really were ready to give us [Insert Price, in Pounds Sterling] for him and we passed somebody needs a smack in the face for not taking that cash

Arsenal are keen on [Insert Player Name] who has also been monitored by [Insert Other Team Name]. Behind the scenes [Insert Player’s Current Team] are increasingly resigned to losing [Insert Player Name] and being forced to cash in during the next transfer window

Arsenal have made contact with [Insert Team Name] about [Insert Player Name]. However, [Insert Team Name] are reluctant to part with him for any less than [Insert Price, in Pounds Sterling].

While Arsenal have had discussions about [Insert Player Name] with [Insert Team Name], a late offer from [Insert Team Name] may derail these plans. As a backup Arsenal have targeted [Insert Player Name], who should come at a significantly lower price.

Though a supreme creative talent, [Insert Manager Name] does not see the fit for [Insert Player Name] within the current squad. This despite being available for a mere [Insert Price, in Pounds Sterling].

Arsenal are close to a deal with [Insert Player Name], however they are not yet close to matching [Insert Team Name]‘s valuation.

While [Insert Player Name] is approaching the final year of his contract, Arsenal do not see the value in extending the deal an extra year.

Once again the Gunners appear to be missing out on their number one target, [Insert Player Name].

* Thanks to @GiantGooner and @SouthMetroAFC for their critical contributions to this resource.