A LONG overdue update. The last time we did this we were just emerging from the Arsenal Dark Times. Transfer windows look different now, with CL money and very small holes to fill (if even holes – it’s more like foundations on which to build). Previously we supplied everyone with a set of “fill in the blank” tweet-sized missives, and then a second version in 2022, to be used throughout silly season. Those are all still useful (if feeling a bit dated and cynical), but we thought we ought to update and supplement the prior set. So, once again please find below a series of (free!) boilerplate texts, all under the Twitter 280 character limit, for your use in distributing hot information gleaned during the summer transfer window.
With a second year of Champions League on offer, [Insert Player Name] has said he is interested in joining Arsenal – the team whose shirt he wore as a child.
If Arsenal cannot get [Insert Amount of Money] for [Insert Player Name] they will consider holding the player or even loaning him to [Insert Team Name].
While [Insert Player Name] played scant minutes last season and the potential for increased first team time in 24-25 looks far-fetched (even impossible), Arsenal hope to see multiple high-value (even team-record) offers on the table from clubs abroad, even if they have very little money.
Arsenal are interested in [Insert Player Name] though they fear any offer will bring a late bid from Chelsea at 5-6x whatever Arsenal are willing to pay.
[Insert Player Name] may garner interest from the Saudi league, but is weighing a comfy life in London against the appeal of a country with a non-extradition policy.
And these carry over, since they are always timely, relevant:
Arsenal is preparing to prepare a bid for [Insert Player Name], but first need to prepare for such preparations.
[Insert Player Name] will be staying at the club. [Insert Player Name] will be leaving the club. (Nah, just kidding. [Insert Player Name]‘s staying. Whether you like it or not).